Mealtimes are a fact of life. They happen around 3 times a day every day for almost the entirety of a lifetime for nearly everyone on the planet. That's a lot of mealtimes - roughly around 95000 for average life expectancy. Mostly, these are predictable, smooth and a welcome break in the day but for a lot of families these nuggets of the day are feared, dreaded and avoided if they've got too much. For many people the deepest thoughts about Mealtime is about the menu and when to prepare it. Add a family in that mix and it starts to get more complicated, there's timings (when are we back from childcare, my eldest has swimming lessons, my toddler needs to be in bed by 7 etc), there's preferences, there's cultural customs, but then for a fair few others there's the added stress of the battle, the tantrum, the food pushed away, the drink spat out and someone with an opinion or a nagging voice in your head saying 'they really need to eat their dinner' 'they'll sleep better if their tummy is full' 'they'll concentrate better in school if they eat a good breakfast' 'maybe it's time to switch to formula's - you've heard them all and you want to scream 'I KNOW' to anyone who will listen.
No matter what you try, your precious little one will not eat - I see you, I hear you, I want to be here for you.
Mealtime means many different things to many different people. When I sit down for a meal it's usually crashed on the sofa with my partner and the dog, baby monitor close by. We are both exhausted and hungry on the verge of hangry and sat mindlessly staring at whatever TV series we land on. We eat in silence (minus the dog whining to have a bite) and we inhale our meal without much thought.
Do I advocate this in my work? NO. Is it reality for most busy people, absolutely! And there is no shame in that. Do we try and eat with our baby because that will help her learn and feel confident around food, of course - when we can, but we can't manage it always. Are we bad parents for doing that, definitely not!
For many, the mealtime is a sacred part of the day. Let's take European countries as an example - the French go home for lunch for a few hours and have their big family meal in the middle of the day. The Italians follow a fairly similar pattern with pasta and a secondi and perhaps even a glass of home made red to wash it down. Everyone comes when they can and they sit, they socialise, they switch off collectively. British culture has become too fast, too busy to create this opportunity. We fit in a sandwich, we eat on the go, we skip our lunch breaks and we model this to children. Then society expects them to be able to sit at a table and eat a balanced meal with good manners and patience, the irony!
Another challenging meal time environment for children is the dinner hall. What an overstimulating place to be. When I've visited school halls for lunch time eating and drinking assessment I come away desperate for a lie down in a cold dark room and again we expect children to eat a balanced meal with the main support being to cut up their meat. And what about restaurants?! Many families understand, crave and need an opportunity to sit down together without the added pressure of cooking the meal and cleaning up afterwards. People work hard and they need a break. But how often, with children in tow have you felt it would have been easier to eat at home?! Children find restaurants overwhelming generally, we need them to feel relaxed because we (deservedly) need to switch off for a little while so out comes the tablet. Absolutely NO judgement. In that situation you are there, you're paying from it and you all need a minute when it's got too much. But again you think, why are we here?!
So what makes a successful meal time?
This will mean different things to different people but generally for a baby or child this will consist of a combination of different things, some you may not have even considered yourself.
Being together and focused attention
All your senses including thirst and hunger
Being ready to eat
Stimulation
Where you sit and what you sit on
Distractions
Wondering what might be on the plate
How to use cutlery
What cup will their be
No wonder so many babies and children find Mealtime hard sometimes! With a few tweaks and changes they and you could start to find this easier.
What does Mealtime mean for you? What have I missed?
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