It's Sunday, we are visiting family and a roast dinner is in the oven, doesn't get much better than that!! In the midst of the baby being entertained by her grandparents I could sit back and take a minute. Headspace is a rare thing for a caregiver but it did give me time to reflect on the many care givers I speak to that are in anguish that their child won't eat anything except for a roast dinner. It got me thinking why that might be! My conclusion, that all the cogs for a successful mealtime are working seamlessly.
Let's have a look at that in more detail:
The day of the week makes a difference
Sunday for most people is a chill out day, we take our time with our children and we take our time with the cooking. Cooking a Sunday roast is an event in itself. We have to be around at home because it takes time to prepare. Our children witness the presence and the process more than time allows on a week day or on a Saturday night when it's takeaway time and it arrives at the door ready to eat, no shame that's us most Saturdays!
The other cogs in the system:
Anticipation - we talk about Sunday lunch all day. We muse over what's it going to be, how many roast potatoes can you eat, what time shall we start cooking it etc etc. The smell fills the house as we creep closer to it, bellies rumbling.
When we get to the table, we all have a place. We belong. Children can feel the patience and love that went into their dinner and that compels them to savour it. I'm certainly not saying that other meals you prepare aren't made with love, of course they are, but if you are a caregiver of children on a working day I'm sure you'll know what I mean about the difference in pace and preparation.
Social mealtime - not only does your child feel like they belong but they can see everyone else belonging. Family members might make an effort to prioritise being present over other activities. There conversations about the food which reinforces the experience. And there are conversations about other things showing that the event of a meal is enjoyable and something to be cherished. Because of this, children are generally eating actively. This means they aren't distracted by a device or a screen and are taking information of the meals on board which helps with the predictability one week to the next.
Modelling - we eat together and we eat the same thing. Children learn best from lots of copying and repetitive practice. By seeing their care giver and siblings and perhaps extended family all eating the same, shows them this food is safe. It also shows them how to eat, so many chomps and chews to observe around the table. The picking up of cutlery and managing the amount the fork can hold, all in plain sight.
The flavour and appearance - Sunday lunch is predictable. Because it's a favourite we make it very similarly every week more or less. Children, as you've probably noticed (especially as you've landed here) like beige foods and easy shapes. Sunday roast lends itself to that quite nicely so these are foods they trust and understand, making it less challenging for them.
Cultural differences
It hasn't passed me by that Sunday lunch is culturally and historically a white British and probably Christian tradition - the meal that happens after church in your Sunday best. For many people this tradition has long since past but the Sunday lunch has remained.
There will be many other meals that provide the same successful environment. I'd love to hear what meals provide this for your children and what day of the week this happens for your family.
The key takeaway is not necessarily about the items of food but the underpinning messages of the mealtime environment. To recap, these were:
Anticipation - protecting time to prepare a meal, filling the house with smells of foods that are similar week on week providing predictability. Predictability helps your child become ready for the meal because they know what to expect.
Social mealtime - making the meal time an event makes it fun, enjoyable and motivating. Seeing family members savour each other as well as their food reinforces this message to the child that meal times are something they want to be part of.
Modelling - children learn best from copying and repetition. Seeing an array of family members all eating the same food and using the same skills is a great opportunity for children to practice their eating and drinking skills.
Flavour and appearance - this rings predictability again. Generally the meal has the same components, looks and smells the same each week. The pace of life throughout the week and that as adults we like variety, week nights can be more difficult to engage with. For children finding eating and drinking more challenging knowing what to expect and not feeling overwhelmed by new smells and looks can make engaging with meal time much easier.
Are these some things you could start to build into your week to see if week night meal time engagement can improve? Is that to much wishful thinking for a weeknight? Tell me what might work for you! I'd love to know!
If only society allowed us the time to create a wholesome Mealtime every evening such as this and maybe our children might find eating a little bit more manageable.
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